it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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