Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
