WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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