I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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