I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
