Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
