I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize