I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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