I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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