I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
