Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
