gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
