Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
