So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
