Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
