M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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