that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize