I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
