I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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