Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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