BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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