Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
