Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
