I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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