I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize