the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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