My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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