but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
