You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
