They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
