my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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