Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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