that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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