There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish my penis had an off switch
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
