Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
