If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
