It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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