So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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