"it" just moved
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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