Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
