just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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