I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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