my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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