So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
