imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
