i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
