I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize