I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
