i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
