I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
