god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
