the condom got lost in my hair
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
