She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize