R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize