Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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