they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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