if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
