Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize