ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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